Alone on the top

I climb the stairs one by one
Losing my people as I come
Closer to the top
Don’t know what have I become
Is it alright?

At night I look out of my window to see
A peaceful street ever-so-lonely
Much less than my life I bet
Tricked by dreams and debts.

The streetlight suddenly shimmers and I look again outside
A few people just passed by, out of my sight
It’s about to rain and before the night starts getting wet
I quickly grab my phone and switch on the internet.

I position the camera to capture the sky
But since too tired and sick of posting stuff online
So I just capture it and print it and write this story on it’s behind

That when I leave it and someone gets it,
They have my words on their mind.
On their lips, in their hearts|
A little moment I’ll define.
This moment of theirs particularly to me I’ll confine.

I’ll tell them it’s okay to be alone
Well at least for sometime
And that life is huge and people affluent
Surely some good company you’ll find!

Don’t just adjust for anything just cause everything else seems undefined
Define it,
Give it words
Style It
Call the birds
Tell them to tell the world
At the break of dawn
About it.

That’s about it. I guess I am done for tonight.

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Give Love, get love. Simple! :)

It’s 6 in the evening.

I come home after work, change and sit in the living room to have snacks. For company I tune in some random channel on the T.V.

Guess which movie is being telecasted?

“The Notebook”

 

My over-protective inner self: “Nikita change it. It ain’t good for ya..”

So I try to change the channel but nothing else seems to be coming and the movie had just started so that was the happy part going on, for the moment.

My inviting-vulnerabilities inner self: “What will I lose? Let me just watch it till I finish the snacks. Things are different now, maybe it wouldn’t affect me so much!”

I had first seen this movie before 4 years and with the over sensitive being that I am, I was disturbed for days, especially after knowing that a part of that stuff was real.

(Notebook is a romantic novel based on a True Story written by Nicholas Sparks in 1996, inspired by his wife’s grandparents who had been married for more than 60 sixty years when he met them.) (Source: Google)

In no time 60 minutes pass by and my roommate comes home. I am so glad that she doesn’t sit and talk with me and straight away heads towards the room. I need my space so that I can do whatever I want without being stared at.

But what is it that I want to do at the moment?

 

I cry as Martha Shaw comes in. As everyday, willingly of course, she is invited and yet rejected, loved and yet made to feel small.

When Noah takes Allie on the boat, which he built himself, and later takes her to the house, which again, he built himself.

As they sit in THE Room drinking beer and the way he looks at her.

As Allie sits there naked and paints.

When her mom drives her to this construction site and tells her that she truly loves her father but how once she was madly in love with that guy who is still working at that site and how her life could have been different if she had tried a little harder.

When Allie reads his letters sitting in the car. As they fight only to come back together. All the freakin’ time. Every time.

How they grow old together, how they die TOGETHER. Even being so old when they can hardly stand still without support, how they still kissed with that holy intense love.

I mean that’s too much to handle with closed lips so I open my mouth and cry.
And just then my roommate comes out of the room!

My conscious inner-self: “Embarrassing!! Nikita stop crying now.”

My brain and heart and other organs: “Well it’s too late now for that!”

So I keep crying no matter what and my eyes swell and mean while my roommate tries her best to divert my mind.

She cracks jokes, makes me laugh for a second only to lose me again to the movie in the next.
In a few minutes the movie gets over.
I get up, go to wash my face.

My solicitous inner self: “Nikita she tried so hard to make you laugh when you were tearing up on that movie. That was really sweet of her.”

Recently a bee had stung me on my finger and the whole area had swelled up like a potato! It was really painful and I had thought of sleeping hungry or else ordering from outside that day.

But situation’s changed now, so with that swollen hand I go to cook.

Me: “Had dinner?”

My roommate: “No.. too tired to cook!”

Me: “Okay, you wanna have Uthapam?”

My roommate: “Yea even I was wondering maybe we could order something from outside.”

Me: “Don’t even worry! I’ll prepare it. Would you like to have?”
“ukw, Better have it, it’ll be nice I promise!”

And we sleep with full stomachs.

“Give love, get love”. Simple! 🙂 🙂

 
Picture credit : Google

It makes me sleep on the couch without a question!

I was tired and was about to sleep yesterday night when suddenly it showed up in my room!

Without giving my thought any second thoughts, I jumped out of my bed, taking my pillow and my bed sheet in one stretch and ran out of the room!

I kept my things on the couch that was in the hall and tried to divert my mind. Sleep was gone away and the couch was small, my legs weren’t fitting.

At midnight, my grandma came out of her room to switch off the fan running in the hall, thinking that mistakenly I had left it on. She asked me why I was there and I told her everything. She said she would help me, no actually I wouldn’t do anything so yeah she said she would shoo it off (all by herself)  from my room in the morning.

Morning came too early and we were all awake by 4. We have a festival here so my grandma had to do preparations. My grandpa was simply moving around.

At 09:00 I begged her to go to my room and check it out. Thankfully she agreed and went in with a broom stick.

She was moving all the card boards and the boxes in the area where I told her that I had seen it.

Okay! It was a lizard! I saw it the night before. It was big, it was huge, it was dark , it had some kinda spots and it’s already freaking me out so I will stop describing it!

My grandma was trying to find it but then when she couldn’t she told me something. That was the reason that I wrote this post today! Whatever she told me, Idk if it was funny or fascinating, I will write it down.

Me: See carefully it will be there in that corner only! I am sure it went there last night!

Grandma: It has probably gone now. It has other jobs to take care of.

Jobs? She can’t be serious!

Me: What job would it possibly have?

Grandma: What? It can’t sit here all day in your room! It has its own works to complete.

Me: What works?!

Grandma: Who will find food for it? It has to only go in search of it.

Hahaha! Surprised by her answer I decided not to speak anything in return. At the last she couldn’t find it in my room and so I planned to sleep on the sofa tonight as well.

Me: I will sleep outside tonight. Just in case.

Grandma: What are you going to do in your life? Lizards are there in all homes you can’t be afraid of them. They don’t do anything they just move here and there and then go back. They don’t do any harm!

She can’t be serious. They move around and go back? And all homes? Who said that? My home is definitely going to be free of them and of all other insects. And if, if by any chance it comes in, well I will be having neighbours for sure!

Anyways,

Good Morning! 😀

You as a habit are stronger than I thought!

Now when it’s all over and I wake up alone

I go to fetch some coffee as usual, at six

I don’t like it, it tastes different today

Should I call and ask you how many spoons of sugar you used to mix?

I can’t right? Because I am made to know that you are gone?

So I get ready to go to work, but I don’t see any car outside

You taught me that taxis were not for us

And now who is going to give me a ride?

I somehow reach office on foot

You as a habit are stronger than I thought

But now how do I concentrate on work

When there is no coffee packed in my coffee pot?

So I fetch some of it from the canteen

It tastes bitter; I guess it was made to exactly match my mood

I leave it on the table and forget about it

What had to be done with your memories, I guess I understood.

I pack my bag, the empty flask

Then walk myself to the now-empty place 

I wonder if I was in love with you

Or it’s your coffee that I can’t replace?

I thought we would last longer

Longer as in till the Sun ran out of its light

We still had to finish that list, remember?

The one which we started that night?

It looks quite simple as I write about it

But it’s actually very hard to go through

I am planning to cut the coffee tonight

Like beans on the ground, all my parts you have strewed.

So I am planning to brew some coffee while asleep

I wonder if I have still got that fire burning in my heart

If not me, it will definitely know my taste

If not it, who will join back my parts?

So when I wake up tomorrow, as usual by six

I will know the proportions by heart

Though now I have decided to reach office on foot, it’s good for health!

Few people and habits just leave you smart!

few things just happen to give you memories! :D

They were sitting on the corner with water clean

one colored red and one was green

On whose right lay an orange too

juicy till the brim, there was one in blue.

Walking with sleepy eyes I stumbled on the one in white

suddenly the room thundered, but with no light!

The then sisters in peace were now sisters in crime

altogether they fell down in a line!

The juice was all over me, I was bathing at mid-night

there was only limitless water in my sight

My mom called out from the other room,

“I heard some sound, are you fine?”

Dumbstruck, I started rushing for the wiper

while the floor began to shine.

what your fears ask from you and what you should do to them

Life was stumbling on big and small stones when his fears spoke out to him,

 

dare not you take a risk, or you might lose

dare not you invent something new and go against the laws

dare not turn on the lights, or they might see your flaws

dare not you ask for a favour, or they might let you down

you are not a writer, you can’t possibly dare to make a verb sound like a noun.

dare not you rest, or you might be left behind!

dare not you try, or you might fail

dare not you speak, or you might err

dare not you love, or they might leave

dare not you cry, or they might consider you weak

dare not you bend, or it might disrupt your pride

dare not you ask, or they might deny

dare not you demand for an explanation, or they might end the ties

dare not you breathe, or you might end up alive!

fears always speak the language of fear,

so if you heart asks you to take a chance and you mind is in a dilemma or at least begins to rethink on it, take it!

Because only if you dare

You can call it a life!

you’ll know what’s there on the other side for you only if you dare to look.

 

Good luck with it! 🙂