This is what I sat and wrote about by the River…

I get ready
I choose my finest dress
I step into pencils
And click out of my address

To another,
hosting a party in through the big, red gate
I do like red,
But will have to excuse this date.

I cross the big gate and walk towards the river
Rubbing the blue robe on the street all through the way
I can’t walk fast so shall I rather try to run?
So that I break them heels to make an excuse to throw them away?

I reach halfway, still clicking on the ground
It’s getting dark, I see fewer people around
It’s good because that is what I would like for tonight
Just me, a pen-a paper, watching the flowing river in the moonlight.

I finally reach the banks, it must be cold
Cause’ the only folks I see, they shiver
My skin doesn’t move, not an inch
As I stand there straight, looking right into the river

I climb downstairs, now I am closer
Just a few steps and my hands will be wet
It’s the Ganges and we worship it first with its water in our hands
Before our feet inside it we set.

Now it’s silent, I can’t hear a soul
Only the water, flowing
Touching my soul.

I sit,
I want to stay there
Till the color of my robe matches the color of the sky
Till when there are plenty of sparkles
shining out of my eyes.

I want to sit by the river
And think of the times
When I was there barefoot
And my clothes didn’t shine
When dad would push me in
Making a big, thunderous sound!
But instead of sailing,
My ship would drown!

I want to sit by the river
And think of how
He would catch hold of me
And pull me out somehow

“Ready for another push?”
He wouldn’t ask, I wouldn’t allow.
Next moment, I would be in the water again,
Struggling to swim somehow!

I want to lie by the river
And think about you
About the similar peace
That I would get with you…

I want to touch the river
As if it was you
I will swim through it tonight thinking it was you
I want to hold it and kiss it thinking it was you
But damn!
It would slip out of hands as if it was really you!

I want to walk by the river
Thinking of my friends
My priceless possessions,
My everlasting trends
My babies, my parents
My strength, my ears
With whom I have shared all my laughter,
My fears.

I will not waste a second thinking about the people who left
They don’t matter anymore, not because they left
But the ones who managed to stay even after they left
Are the people I will sit and smile about by the river…

I will think about the relations that lived
Will not whine about the ones whom life dismissed
But those which fell off weak even after I built them for years
Are the ones I will sit and cry about by the river…

I will wipe off my tears,
When it’s the break of dawn I see,
Now I will let go of the gold
And let go of the heels

I will hide them
And pretend as if I lost them in the dark!
Now I am barefoot again and suddenly my eyes have a spark!

I am waiting,
Maybe dad would come and push me back into the river?
Wondering if now he would ask for permission since we are older?
Hoping this time, I will sail through the river
Explore a direction I had been to never.
Hoping I will find my way back home, like ever
To the people we call as family, or rather call them forever?

I will not forget to think about the people I love
Whom I couldn’t have with me, forever?
Whom I dream about every day,
For whom I could get locked up in a cellar

Whom I wish get everything they ever want in their life
Love, success, compassion in their life
Whom I could give up my dreams for,
Let alone my life
These are the people I will sit and Pray for by the river
These are all the people I will sit and write about by the River…

Advertisements

Alone on the top

I climb the stairs one by one
Losing my people as I come
Closer to the top
Don’t know what have I become
Is it alright?

At night I look out of my window to see
A peaceful street ever-so-lonely
Much less than my life I bet
Tricked by dreams and debts.

The streetlight suddenly shimmers and I look again outside
A few people just passed by, out of my sight
It’s about to rain and before the night starts getting wet
I quickly grab my phone and switch on the internet.

I position the camera to capture the sky
But since too tired and sick of posting stuff online
So I just capture it and print it and write this story on it’s behind

That when I leave it and someone gets it,
They have my words on their mind.
On their lips, in their hearts|
A little moment I’ll define.
This moment of theirs particularly to me I’ll confine.

I’ll tell them it’s okay to be alone
Well at least for sometime
And that life is huge and people affluent
Surely some good company you’ll find!

Don’t just adjust for anything just cause everything else seems undefined
Define it,
Give it words
Style It
Call the birds
Tell them to tell the world
At the break of dawn
About it.

That’s about it. I guess I am done for tonight.

This life… and stuff

I ride to home,
I don’t know way
I still pedal,
pedal away

I don’t know nothing
I know enough
That there is a light,
shining my way.

I see the stars
Illuminate,
and I see the Moon,
moving the waves.

I stop and stare,
at the empty road.
I don’t know where
I am supposed
to be at this time
of this year
am I fine?
Are things clear?

I don’t know nothing,
I know enough,
That Sun’s gonna shine,
as the morning comes.

I see the light,
I see the rain,
I see a rainbow,
from my window pane.

I rush outside
couldn’t get enough.
I never got enough
Cause’ it’s never enough.

I see the stars
Illuminate,
and I see the Moon,
moving the waves.

I look again
Cause’ its love.
It has these scars,
and its still love.

And then I know
why these different beings
still fall in love
with these flawed things?

Cause’ it the eye of the beholder that defines Beauty, as you must have heard.
Well that’s true
Well that’s true.

Then I meet these trees
and they hide my love, they hide the Moon!
But I ain’t angry,
Cause’ they let me play!

This game of surprises
that nature offers
You never know when u get to see love again
and say goodbye, only for a while
When there’s morning, u know.

I give up pedals,
I take to legs.
Just have 2,
just enough.

I feel the breeze
talk its talk
I can’t decipher, but I can hear
so who cares?
Well I don’t.

I am content this time, with just hearing.

I live a mess
I thrive for peace
I die for love
and extra cheese!
I go back home,
with the wind on my side
I open the window,
and it revives!

And I thank the Lord,
for all the love,
for a life and stuff
for this life… and stuff.

 

Give Love, get love. Simple! :)

It’s 6 in the evening.

I come home after work, change and sit in the living room to have snacks. For company I tune in some random channel on the T.V.

Guess which movie is being telecasted?

“The Notebook”

 

My over-protective inner self: “Nikita change it. It ain’t good for ya..”

So I try to change the channel but nothing else seems to be coming and the movie had just started so that was the happy part going on, for the moment.

My inviting-vulnerabilities inner self: “What will I lose? Let me just watch it till I finish the snacks. Things are different now, maybe it wouldn’t affect me so much!”

I had first seen this movie before 4 years and with the over sensitive being that I am, I was disturbed for days, especially after knowing that a part of that stuff was real.

(Notebook is a romantic novel based on a True Story written by Nicholas Sparks in 1996, inspired by his wife’s grandparents who had been married for more than 60 sixty years when he met them.) (Source: Google)

In no time 60 minutes pass by and my roommate comes home. I am so glad that she doesn’t sit and talk with me and straight away heads towards the room. I need my space so that I can do whatever I want without being stared at.

But what is it that I want to do at the moment?

 

I cry as Martha Shaw comes in. As everyday, willingly of course, she is invited and yet rejected, loved and yet made to feel small.

When Noah takes Allie on the boat, which he built himself, and later takes her to the house, which again, he built himself.

As they sit in THE Room drinking beer and the way he looks at her.

As Allie sits there naked and paints.

When her mom drives her to this construction site and tells her that she truly loves her father but how once she was madly in love with that guy who is still working at that site and how her life could have been different if she had tried a little harder.

When Allie reads his letters sitting in the car. As they fight only to come back together. All the freakin’ time. Every time.

How they grow old together, how they die TOGETHER. Even being so old when they can hardly stand still without support, how they still kissed with that holy intense love.

I mean that’s too much to handle with closed lips so I open my mouth and cry.
And just then my roommate comes out of the room!

My conscious inner-self: “Embarrassing!! Nikita stop crying now.”

My brain and heart and other organs: “Well it’s too late now for that!”

So I keep crying no matter what and my eyes swell and mean while my roommate tries her best to divert my mind.

She cracks jokes, makes me laugh for a second only to lose me again to the movie in the next.
In a few minutes the movie gets over.
I get up, go to wash my face.

My solicitous inner self: “Nikita she tried so hard to make you laugh when you were tearing up on that movie. That was really sweet of her.”

Recently a bee had stung me on my finger and the whole area had swelled up like a potato! It was really painful and I had thought of sleeping hungry or else ordering from outside that day.

But situation’s changed now, so with that swollen hand I go to cook.

Me: “Had dinner?”

My roommate: “No.. too tired to cook!”

Me: “Okay, you wanna have Uthapam?”

My roommate: “Yea even I was wondering maybe we could order something from outside.”

Me: “Don’t even worry! I’ll prepare it. Would you like to have?”
“ukw, Better have it, it’ll be nice I promise!”

And we sleep with full stomachs.

“Give love, get love”. Simple! 🙂 🙂

 
Picture credit : Google

And our small house appears bigger to me, even though he still complains a little ;)

Where one look in the eyes
Can move the grounds below us
When one moment of contact
Gives a lifetime of strength

When one smile on each other’s face can make us forget
Every other dark thing in the world and see only the light
In each other’s eyes

Now when we know that we are in love
The grass seems greener on our own side
And that small house appears bigger to me, even though he still complains a little

But we both consider it more spacious than those palaces
Which people we ‘knew’ now own.
Those people who never believed us
Who said we were too different to be together

Those who ran behind their perfect matches
Well everything that seems perfect is not beautiful
And everything that’s amazing is not perfect
We find our homes in each other!

Moreover, we live where we stay
Well for the others,
They keep moving towards shinier things, even losing each other in between
For a while, or so
Maybe coming back together in the end

They say, “all’s well that ends well”
But we, we believe in the journey that we make together
Because we can’t pass a day without that ‘ordinary’ dinner of ours, as they frame it
At times burnt! At times over salty
But to us, tastes just fine
Since it’s made up of care and stinks of love.

And if you ask me about the precious items I own?
His first gift to me was a lead pencil and since then I have kept it safely in my closet.
So close to me,
I didn’t even use it; afraid the lead might get over or maybe just break you know?
As if it wasn’t lead, as if it was Gold

We didn’t even realize and love turned us into Alchemists!

giving love is so difficult?

them – it’s your birthday week, tell us what gift do you want?

me love.

them– What? We’ve got dollar bills, don’t you want something else? Dress? A watch maybe?

meno, just love.

them– Ask for something which we can give.

You as a habit are stronger than I thought!

Now when it’s all over and I wake up alone

I go to fetch some coffee as usual, at six

I don’t like it, it tastes different today

Should I call and ask you how many spoons of sugar you used to mix?

I can’t right? Because I am made to know that you are gone?

So I get ready to go to work, but I don’t see any car outside

You taught me that taxis were not for us

And now who is going to give me a ride?

I somehow reach office on foot

You as a habit are stronger than I thought

But now how do I concentrate on work

When there is no coffee packed in my coffee pot?

So I fetch some of it from the canteen

It tastes bitter; I guess it was made to exactly match my mood

I leave it on the table and forget about it

What had to be done with your memories, I guess I understood.

I pack my bag, the empty flask

Then walk myself to the now-empty place 

I wonder if I was in love with you

Or it’s your coffee that I can’t replace?

I thought we would last longer

Longer as in till the Sun ran out of its light

We still had to finish that list, remember?

The one which we started that night?

It looks quite simple as I write about it

But it’s actually very hard to go through

I am planning to cut the coffee tonight

Like beans on the ground, all my parts you have strewed.

So I am planning to brew some coffee while asleep

I wonder if I have still got that fire burning in my heart

If not me, it will definitely know my taste

If not it, who will join back my parts?

So when I wake up tomorrow, as usual by six

I will know the proportions by heart

Though now I have decided to reach office on foot, it’s good for health!

Few people and habits just leave you smart!