One red and one black too
That new house
Spending money as you blink
Giving me all your time!
Me not an ocean here!
Me just a mug
Can hold it only till the brink
Be it hurt or love
And when you stuff in that extra care,
Me starts spilling hormones everywhere!
So, sweetheart, it’s okay to lemme fall a few times!
Me made of steel
So won’t break like a glass
Me don’t like so much attention
But like to stand first in class
Me gonna serve you with juice in the morning
And with water when you thirsty
Me knows you want me to give you wine too,
Even though you never ask.
but me too ordinary for that…
Me not presentable
Not slender like the other few
Dents here and there, from falling.
Me very simple,
Often afraid of drying and ending up empty someday
So much in love with you that Me knows Me don’t deserve you
So just waiting for you, to lemme down once.
I get ready
I choose my finest dress
I step into pencils
And click out of my address
hosting a party in through the big, red gate
I do like red,
But will have to excuse this date.
I cross the big gate and walk towards the river
Rubbing the blue robe on the street all through the way
I can’t walk fast so shall I rather try to run?
So that I break them heels to make an excuse to throw them away?
I reach halfway, still clicking on the ground
It’s getting dark, I see fewer people around
It’s good because that is what I would like for tonight
Just me, a pen-a paper, watching the flowing river in the moonlight.
I finally reach the banks, it must be cold
Cause’ the only folks I see, they shiver
My skin doesn’t move, not an inch
As I stand there straight, looking right into the river
I climb downstairs, now I am closer
Just a few steps and my hands will be wet
It’s the Ganges and we worship it first with its water in our hands
Before our feet inside it we set.
Now it’s silent, I can’t hear a soul
Only the water, flowing
Touching my soul.
I want to stay there
Till the color of my robe matches the color of the sky
Till when there are plenty of sparkles
shining out of my eyes.
I want to sit by the river
And think of the times
When I was there barefoot
And my clothes didn’t shine
When dad would push me in
Making a big, thunderous sound!
But instead of sailing,
My ship would drown!
I want to sit by the river
And think of how
He would catch hold of me
And pull me out somehow
“Ready for another push?”
He wouldn’t ask, I wouldn’t allow.
Next moment, I would be in the water again,
Struggling to swim somehow!
I want to lie by the river
And think about you
About the similar peace
That I would get with you…
I want to touch the river
As if it was you
I will swim through it tonight thinking it was you
I want to hold it and kiss it thinking it was you
It would slip out of hands as if it was really you!
I want to walk by the river
Thinking of my friends
My priceless possessions,
My everlasting trends
My babies, my parents
My strength, my ears
With whom I have shared all my laughter,
I will not waste a second thinking about the people who left
They don’t matter anymore, not because they left
But the ones who managed to stay even after they left
Are the people I will sit and smile about by the river…
I will think about the relations that lived
Will not whine about the ones whom life dismissed
But those which fell off weak even after I built them for years
Are the ones I will sit and cry about by the river…
I will wipe off my tears,
When it’s the break of dawn I see,
Now I will let go of the gold
And let go of the heels
I will hide them
And pretend as if I lost them in the dark!
Now I am barefoot again and suddenly my eyes have a spark!
I am waiting,
Maybe dad would come and push me back into the river?
Wondering if now he would ask for permission since we are older?
Hoping this time, I will sail through the river
Explore a direction I had been to never.
Hoping I will find my way back home, like ever
To the people we call as family, or rather call them forever?
I will not forget to think about the people I love
Whom I couldn’t have with me, forever?
Whom I dream about every day,
For whom I could get locked up in a cellar
Whom I wish get everything they ever want in their life
Love, success, compassion in their life
Whom I could give up my dreams for,
Let alone my life
These are the people I will sit and Pray for by the river
These are all the people I will sit and write about by the River…
I climb the stairs one by one
Losing my people as I come
Closer to the top
Don’t know what have I become
Is it alright?
At night I look out of my window to see
A peaceful street ever-so-lonely
Much less than my life I bet
Tricked by dreams and debts.
The streetlight suddenly shimmers and I look again outside
A few people just passed by, out of my sight
It’s about to rain and before the night starts getting wet
I quickly grab my phone and switch on the internet.
I position the camera to capture the sky
But since too tired and sick of posting stuff online
So I just capture it and print it and write this story on it’s behind
That when I leave it and someone gets it,
They have my words on their mind.
On their lips, in their hearts|
A little moment I’ll define.
This moment of theirs particularly to me I’ll confine.
I’ll tell them it’s okay to be alone
Well at least for sometime
And that life is huge and people affluent
Surely some good company you’ll find!
Don’t just adjust for anything just cause everything else seems undefined
Give it words
Call the birds
Tell them to tell the world
At the break of dawn
That’s about it. I guess I am done for tonight.
So yet another story? 🙂
Changes are constant. That we have all seen and heard and contributed to.
My friend and colleague who used to sit right next to me moved to a different project and had to shift her cubicle two floors below. While leaving for home yesterday I saw her collecting her stuff and her machines were being transferred.
“So from tomorrow new cubicle?”
“Yeaa”, she smiled.
We said our goodbyes and “see you again”s and I left for home.
A few months ago:
Another colleague had gifted us both an idol of Lord Ganesha each. Happy to receive one of the most beautiful gifts ever, I took Him home and kept it along with my other treasured stuff.
But my friend didn’t take Him home and kept it on the right end of her table. Just beside the metal slab that separates my desk from hers.
I remember when I was small my parents wouldn’t take me so often to the movies and being a movie-lover, I would wait for all the good ones to be telecast-ed on the T.V. Once they had put this cute movie called, “Oh my Friend Ganesha” and since Ganesha being my friend, so every day I would come to office, walk to my desk and wish Him a “good morning” first thing before taking my seat.
Few months later it became a habit, a good habit which brought me smile every day.
While I was entering my office,
“Okay so she would have been gone by now and so her stuff, and now whom am I gonna greet and wish the first thing in the morning”.
I reached near to her cubicle after which was mine. As expected, her desk was empty, the chairs besides were also empty, no one had yet come.
“I miss you Ganesh ji”, I quietly say in my mind.
I come a little forward to keep my bag on my chair and guess what!
He was right there.
On my desk.
She kept Him on my table while leaving.
(I would have written she left Him on my table, but I guess no one gets to leave him, all we get is to keep him.)
So yes, I am happy!
She might come tomorrow and take it with her but for today, I say let’s just cherish the magic. 🙂
Picture credit: https://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/the-magic/
It’s 6 in the evening.
I come home after work, change and sit in the living room to have snacks. For company I tune in some random channel on the T.V.
Guess which movie is being telecasted?
My over-protective inner self: “Nikita change it. It ain’t good for ya..”
So I try to change the channel but nothing else seems to be coming and the movie had just started so that was the happy part going on, for the moment.
My inviting-vulnerabilities inner self: “What will I lose? Let me just watch it till I finish the snacks. Things are different now, maybe it wouldn’t affect me so much!”
I had first seen this movie before 4 years and with the over sensitive being that I am, I was disturbed for days, especially after knowing that a part of that stuff was real.
(Notebook is a romantic novel based on a True Story written by Nicholas Sparks in 1996, inspired by his wife’s grandparents who had been married for more than 60 sixty years when he met them.) (Source: Google)
In no time 60 minutes pass by and my roommate comes home. I am so glad that she doesn’t sit and talk with me and straight away heads towards the room. I need my space so that I can do whatever I want without being stared at.
But what is it that I want to do at the moment?
I cry as Martha Shaw comes in. As everyday, willingly of course, she is invited and yet rejected, loved and yet made to feel small.
When Noah takes Allie on the boat, which he built himself, and later takes her to the house, which again, he built himself.
As they sit in THE Room drinking beer and the way he looks at her.
As Allie sits there naked and paints.
When her mom drives her to this construction site and tells her that she truly loves her father but how once she was madly in love with that guy who is still working at that site and how her life could have been different if she had tried a little harder.
When Allie reads his letters sitting in the car. As they fight only to come back together. All the freakin’ time. Every time.
How they grow old together, how they die TOGETHER. Even being so old when they can hardly stand still without support, how they still kissed with that holy intense love.
I mean that’s too much to handle with closed lips so I open my mouth and cry.
And just then my roommate comes out of the room!
My conscious inner-self: “Embarrassing!! Nikita stop crying now.”
My brain and heart and other organs: “Well it’s too late now for that!”
So I keep crying no matter what and my eyes swell and mean while my roommate tries her best to divert my mind.
She cracks jokes, makes me laugh for a second only to lose me again to the movie in the next.
In a few minutes the movie gets over.
I get up, go to wash my face.
My solicitous inner self: “Nikita she tried so hard to make you laugh when you were tearing up on that movie. That was really sweet of her.”
Recently a bee had stung me on my finger and the whole area had swelled up like a potato! It was really painful and I had thought of sleeping hungry or else ordering from outside that day.
But situation’s changed now, so with that swollen hand I go to cook.
Me: “Had dinner?”
My roommate: “No.. too tired to cook!”
Me: “Okay, you wanna have Uthapam?”
My roommate: “Yea even I was wondering maybe we could order something from outside.”
Me: “Don’t even worry! I’ll prepare it. Would you like to have?”
“ukw, Better have it, it’ll be nice I promise!”
And we sleep with full stomachs.
“Give love, get love”. Simple! 🙂 🙂
Picture credit : Google