Give Love, get love. Simple! :)

It’s 6 in the evening.

I come home after work, change and sit in the living room to have snacks. For company I tune in some random channel on the T.V.

Guess which movie is being telecasted?

“The Notebook”

 

My over-protective inner self: “Nikita change it. It ain’t good for ya..”

So I try to change the channel but nothing else seems to be coming and the movie had just started so that was the happy part going on, for the moment.

My inviting-vulnerabilities inner self: “What will I lose? Let me just watch it till I finish the snacks. Things are different now, maybe it wouldn’t affect me so much!”

I had first seen this movie before 4 years and with the over sensitive being that I am, I was disturbed for days, especially after knowing that a part of that stuff was real.

(Notebook is a romantic novel based on a True Story written by Nicholas Sparks in 1996, inspired by his wife’s grandparents who had been married for more than 60 sixty years when he met them.) (Source: Google)

In no time 60 minutes pass by and my roommate comes home. I am so glad that she doesn’t sit and talk with me and straight away heads towards the room. I need my space so that I can do whatever I want without being stared at.

But what is it that I want to do at the moment?

 

I cry as Martha Shaw comes in. As everyday, willingly of course, she is invited and yet rejected, loved and yet made to feel small.

When Noah takes Allie on the boat, which he built himself, and later takes her to the house, which again, he built himself.

As they sit in THE Room drinking beer and the way he looks at her.

As Allie sits there naked and paints.

When her mom drives her to this construction site and tells her that she truly loves her father but how once she was madly in love with that guy who is still working at that site and how her life could have been different if she had tried a little harder.

When Allie reads his letters sitting in the car. As they fight only to come back together. All the freakin’ time. Every time.

How they grow old together, how they die TOGETHER. Even being so old when they can hardly stand still without support, how they still kissed with that holy intense love.

I mean that’s too much to handle with closed lips so I open my mouth and cry.
And just then my roommate comes out of the room!

My conscious inner-self: “Embarrassing!! Nikita stop crying now.”

My brain and heart and other organs: “Well it’s too late now for that!”

So I keep crying no matter what and my eyes swell and mean while my roommate tries her best to divert my mind.

She cracks jokes, makes me laugh for a second only to lose me again to the movie in the next.
In a few minutes the movie gets over.
I get up, go to wash my face.

My solicitous inner self: “Nikita she tried so hard to make you laugh when you were tearing up on that movie. That was really sweet of her.”

Recently a bee had stung me on my finger and the whole area had swelled up like a potato! It was really painful and I had thought of sleeping hungry or else ordering from outside that day.

But situation’s changed now, so with that swollen hand I go to cook.

Me: “Had dinner?”

My roommate: “No.. too tired to cook!”

Me: “Okay, you wanna have Uthapam?”

My roommate: “Yea even I was wondering maybe we could order something from outside.”

Me: “Don’t even worry! I’ll prepare it. Would you like to have?”
“ukw, Better have it, it’ll be nice I promise!”

And we sleep with full stomachs.

“Give love, get love”. Simple! 🙂 🙂

 
Picture credit : Google

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These Carriages

I am standing out, waiting for a carriage

To take me from here to that place away

I am waiting right at its spot, per diem, around 6

Cause it wouldn’t pick me up mid-way.

 

Now and again I get late and the carriage I miss!

I feel unhappy and distressed.

Occasionally I have friends who offer me a ride

And I am pleased to accept!

 

But until this time never had I,

Sat down and pondered

As to why do I link my happiness to these carriages?

Who are not mine, who don’t have mind?

So how can I blame them if someday they don’t show up?

If they don’t wait for me

If they refuse to carry me

Cause they might have offered my spot to a different person

If they abandon me cause I no more make their carriage look pretty

If they can’t understand the simple fact, that if a person makes an effort to be around you,

You’ve got to reciprocate too.

 

But then again, these carriages

They are not mine and they don’t have mind

So how can I blame them to not understand?

These facts, and demand

Something in return

Cause dude, at the end they are just carriages who carry us and let us link ourselves to them

When they are empty and we are beautiful

Otherwise, these carriages, oops, these people, are a completely different story…

 

 

 

 

 

 

picture credit: http://www.tripadvisor.com

You

I may be very successful in my life and get everything I want… but my life will only be complete if I am successful in giving you everything that you want.

Spreading love

Bangalore, February, 2018

Just like the wind, clouds and our planets, Winter keeps moving too.

It came to Bangalore in the early days of December. It has stayed here for quite a while now and is finally moving away.

These days the Sun doesn’t forget to knock my window early in the morning and I am happy that its touch feels better than my alarm. I sleep alone and cover my face with the blanket anyways!

I remember a few years back I was a different person. I couldn’t live alone and needed my parents for everything. I felt suffocated if I covered my face while sleeping. I wouldn’t sleep without a night lamp. But now I prefer pitch darkness. I changed.

 

My home changed too, quite a few times actually.

Year 2000, my family and I move to a new house, mom and dad turn it into a beautiful home, balcony, garden, flowers, butterflies, colors. Much love.

Year 2013, I move a thousand miles away from home, to Chennai, to my grandparent’s place to study further.

Year 2013, my grandma becomes my mother and her house my home.

My grandpa cooks for me, packs me lunch boxes, grandma takes care of me when I am sick (which happened very rarely, thanks to her again), gets me Wifi, buys me new clothes on festivals, even though she never buys for herself, takes me to temples, teaches me Sanskrit shlokas, good values. Much love.

Year 2017, my parents move to a new home.

I move to Bangalore to work and stay at a hotel over night.

I stay at another hotel for the next 15 days.

I stay as a paying guest for the next 15 days (hated it).

August, I move to a flat. Find friends who turn it into a beautiful place to live in. We cook, wash, clean, no T.V so we talk for hours, help and get helped. Much love.

 

Nothing is constant and my people moved.

I moved.

Year 2018, February 15,

I shift to another flat. The TV makes me feel at home, if not the people. It’s just been 2 days and I barely know them. First night in the house and I dream about being posted to France. No doubt I wake up excited.

This place might be good for my dreams at least”, I wonder.

 

Why I wrote this blog was not to mention my timeline but to record these little gestures of love I received, so that I don’t forget them, ever.
February 14th I am cleaning out my closet and housemaid comes. She knocks everyday by 7:30 in the morning.

It had been exactly 2 months since we had hired her and one month since my old flat mates moved out and new ones came, only physically replacing them.

I handed her salary in her hands.

“Aunty, I am leaving today evening, I am moving to another place…”

 

She fell out of words.

So did I.

I used to sleep on a thin mattress on the floor and every morning I would fold it up, collect the stuff lying here and there on the floor and make the room ready for her to clean. So she liked to clean my room. She would clean my vessels at times even though i didn’t pay her for that. She reciprocated the gesture I guess.

“What Madam, u also leaving.. even other two Madams left.. am I supposed to leave too?”

“No you stay, I have told the new girls to pay you timely.”

“I am gonna charge extra from them.. their friends make the washroom really dirty.. it takes more effort!”

 

I smile. I know whatever she said was true and she was a nice lady.

She speaks Kannada but manages with broken Hindi with me.

“No no… how much we are paying for you is fine Aunty.. .”

She smiles and tries to convince me but stops in middle and resumes her work.

 

A few minutes later, she calls out for me telling me that she was going…

And I feel empty.

After my friends left there was only this lady and now she won’t be there too. I wont be there too.. what about my home. Will it miss all of us after we leave? These windows and the balcony and the shower, would they feel empty too?

Idk.

“Madam..what Madam..you also going now..”, she repeats with a heavy heart.

“I am in the same society.. just another flat..”

Her face lights up.

“yea..the condition of this place is not good..better you are going.. if u need a maid there call me.. hope we will see each other!”

 

She has tears in her eyes and smile on her lips.

I tell her bye and get ready for office. She leaves for the day.

It’s hard to forget her face. So Much love.

 

Next,

I call my mom and tell her that I have finally moved to the new place and she is stressed out.

“I don’t like you moving here and there all by yourself! There is no one there how do you manage? I couldn’t have done that if I was in your place.”

I am sure she could have. Just like I did. Like everybody else does. Situations always come along with the strength to tackle them.

 

I wish I could tell her about all the love I received on the way, at all the places I took a halt at.

When during vacations I am going back to meet my family, the conversation goes on like this,

My Mom: “Where are you right now?”

Me: I am at home, still packing.

Mom: “When will u reach home?”

Me: I’ll start from home at 1.. I’ll reach home by 6 in the evening! See you soon!

Bye for now! 🙂

 

I am a girl. And that has made all the difference.

I have longed to see the light of the night

To see the stars, not from my terrace but from a friend’s

Have longed to own a bike of my own and go out alone

But they say they care, and so they cage me!

Well, I am sorry but that does enrage me!

 

If they see me out with other guys at an odd hour,

They suddenly possess their J.Ds and start judging from afar.

Please, people, get a life of your own

Stop judging and let me have a life of my own!

I am done listening to what to do and where not to go.

I am done being judged on what I wore…

 

Saturday night has always been a beautiful dream,

which cannot come true for me.

Unless I marry of course,

To another cage.

Better let me die happy if that’s the case

Or let me live in peace and stop the chase

 

Please bring down the cameras that I feel around me

Please shut those eyes, that I feel around me

Eyes, waiting to judge me for having my Saturday night

Eyes waiting to suck all the peace out of my life

 

I have long forgotten how to dance in front of a crowd, am I shy or made to feel ashamed?

I could do it when I was a child

But now I am not a kid anymore, I am a girl.

And that has made all the difference.

My little sister kills lions and other things.

My sister called me up and woke me at 6:15 this morning. She was asking me a few things and I kept replying ‘”hmmm”.

She laughed at how sleepy I was and cut the call.

Later after waking up, I texted her and we were simply talking. She had to go to school.

“Okay bye..”

“Hey..u know what dream I sawwww today?!!! It was sooooo scarryyyy omgg I can’t even tell u!”

“What..tell.”

I sent her a 2.45 mins recording telling how she, me, and mom dad had shifted to this reallyyy crazyy gated colony with these awesome facilities and ambiance!

Then I told her about the scary part..how I and my two friends were coming to my apartment and to do so we had to cross a jungle.. every time one wants to reach the apartment from the main road, the jungle had to be crossed.

It was late in the evening, the sky was dark and we had a torchlight directing our way. We were walking that suddenly a snake jumped in front of us from nowhere!
I told her how we lost our minds and started running like madmen.

Then I told her how after a while we heard a low roaring of a lion and we could have shitted our pants but kept calm and switched off our torchlight and began running, as if that would help!

After a minute as expected the lion was behind us and how I and my two other friends ran for our life.
Then we reached the main gate and due to some in-dreams-rule, the lion had no rights to chase us as soon as we entered the apartment, so it left and we came home.

Few other things also happened which I couldn’t remember.

I finally breathed and pressed send.

She sent this recording in the reply,

“Oh…hmmm okay..it wasn’t thaaat scarry though…

You know what, if it wud have been my dream ..as in my all other dreams, I would have been the hero and a savior. I would have just you know.. fought with that lion instead of running from it and would have killed it and saved my friends.. she laughed.”

“Aren’t you getting late for school? Off you go! Bye!”

Little sisters are never little I tell you!

Image from : http://www.baltana.com/nature/dark-jungle-pics-08347.html