Bangalore, February, 2018
Just like the wind, clouds and our planets, Winter keeps moving too.
It came to Bangalore in the early days of December. It has stayed here for quite a while now and is finally moving away.
These days the Sun doesn’t forget to knock my window early in the morning and I am happy that its touch feels better than my alarm. I sleep alone and cover my face with the blanket anyways!
I remember a few years back I was a different person. I couldn’t live alone and needed my parents for everything. I felt suffocated if I covered my face while sleeping. I wouldn’t sleep without a night lamp. But now I prefer pitch darkness. I changed.
My home changed too, quite a few times actually.
Year 2000, my family and I move to a new house, mom and dad turn it into a beautiful home, balcony, garden, flowers, butterflies, colors. Much love.
Year 2013, I move a thousand miles away from home, to Chennai, to my grandparent’s place to study further.
Year 2013, my grandma becomes my mother and her house my home.
My grandpa cooks for me, packs me lunch boxes, grandma takes care of me when I am sick (which happened very rarely, thanks to her again), gets me Wifi, buys me new clothes on festivals, even though she never buys for herself, takes me to temples, teaches me Sanskrit shlokas, good values. Much love.
Year 2017, my parents move to a new home.
I move to Bangalore to work and stay at a hotel over night.
I stay at another hotel for the next 15 days.
I stay as a paying guest for the next 15 days (hated it).
August, I move to a flat. Find friends who turn it into a beautiful place to live in. We cook, wash, clean, no T.V so we talk for hours, help and get helped. Much love.
Nothing is constant and my people moved.
Year 2018, February 15,
I shift to another flat. The TV makes me feel at home, if not the people. It’s just been 2 days and I barely know them. First night in the house and I dream about being posted to France. No doubt I wake up excited.
“This place might be good for my dreams at least”, I wonder.
Why I wrote this blog was not to mention my timeline but to record these little gestures of love I received, so that I don’t forget them, ever.
February 14th I am cleaning out my closet and housemaid comes. She knocks everyday by 7:30 in the morning.
It had been exactly 2 months since we had hired her and one month since my old flat mates moved out and new ones came, only physically replacing them.
I handed her salary in her hands.
“Aunty, I am leaving today evening, I am moving to another place…”
She fell out of words.
So did I.
I used to sleep on a thin mattress on the floor and every morning I would fold it up, collect the stuff lying here and there on the floor and make the room ready for her to clean. So she liked to clean my room. She would clean my vessels at times even though i didn’t pay her for that. She reciprocated the gesture I guess.
“What Madam, u also leaving.. even other two Madams left.. am I supposed to leave too?”
“No you stay, I have told the new girls to pay you timely.”
“I am gonna charge extra from them.. their friends make the washroom really dirty.. it takes more effort!”
I smile. I know whatever she said was true and she was a nice lady.
She speaks Kannada but manages with broken Hindi with me.
“No no… how much we are paying for you is fine Aunty.. .”
She smiles and tries to convince me but stops in middle and resumes her work.
A few minutes later, she calls out for me telling me that she was going…
And I feel empty.
After my friends left there was only this lady and now she won’t be there too. I wont be there too.. what about my home. Will it miss all of us after we leave? These windows and the balcony and the shower, would they feel empty too?
“Madam..what Madam..you also going now..”, she repeats with a heavy heart.
“I am in the same society.. just another flat..”
Her face lights up.
“yea..the condition of this place is not good..better you are going.. if u need a maid there call me.. hope we will see each other!”
She has tears in her eyes and smile on her lips.
I tell her bye and get ready for office. She leaves for the day.
It’s hard to forget her face. So Much love.
I call my mom and tell her that I have finally moved to the new place and she is stressed out.
“I don’t like you moving here and there all by yourself! There is no one there how do you manage? I couldn’t have done that if I was in your place.”
I am sure she could have. Just like I did. Like everybody else does. Situations always come along with the strength to tackle them.
I wish I could tell her about all the love I received on the way, at all the places I took a halt at.
When during vacations I am going back to meet my family, the conversation goes on like this,
My Mom: “Where are you right now?”
Me: I am at home, still packing.
Mom: “When will u reach home?”
Me: I’ll start from home at 1.. I’ll reach home by 6 in the evening! See you soon!
Bye for now! 🙂
I have longed to see the light of the night
To see the stars, not from my terrace but from a friend’s
Have longed to own a bike of my own and go out alone
But they say they care, and so they cage me!
Well, I am sorry but that does enrage me!
If they see me out with other guys at an odd hour,
They suddenly possess their J.Ds and start judging from afar.
Please, people, get a life of your own
Stop judging and let me have a life of my own!
I am done listening to what to do and where not to go.
I am done being judged on what I wore…
Saturday night has always been a beautiful dream,
which cannot come true for me.
Unless I marry of course,
To another cage.
Better let me die happy if that’s the case
Or let me live in peace and stop the chase
Please bring down the cameras that I feel around me
Please shut those eyes, that I feel around me
Eyes, waiting to judge me for having my Saturday night
Eyes waiting to suck all the peace out of my life
I have long forgotten how to dance in front of a crowd, am I shy or made to feel ashamed?
I could do it when I was a child
But now I am not a kid anymore, I am a girl.
And that has made all the difference.
The little finger story: (no judgments please! XD)
A few years ago, while in college, we were sitting in the placement training class. The trainer had not yet come, and we sat talking.
A friend of mine saw my hand and asked me,
“I see that you have cut all other nails but why do you have this pinky fingernail grown?”
Ashamed of telling the reason, because it was gross, I lied.
“Simply…I just didn’t cut it.”
“So you do drugs is it?”
“Lol no! What made you think so?”
“It’s believed that people grow little fingernail only for these 5 reasons out of which two common ones are for snorting ‘stuff’ or picking ear wax.
Of course, you wouldn’t have grown it for picking ear wax, so is it drugs?” She winked at me.
“Hahaha, no..Just this time I didn’t want to chop this one along with the others so I left it to grow..that’s it.”
Wax it was.
What am I gonna write about today?
Is it gonna be about me or you?
If it’s about me, then I’ve got a few lines on my forehead.
If it’s you, you just got a Ready -> Get -> Set
Go! Live your life the way you please! I a-love you!
I heard your complaints so, please! Break all the chains yourself, cause I have lost the strength and have lost the keys!
Thinking I wouldn’t need them again.
But now I wanna set you free, cause love doesn’t bind, does it? It listens
So, as I write this today, now no other day
Shall I tell you to do anything for the sake of me,
I have said enough already.
Nor shall I ask you to not do any shit for the sake of our future-to-be.
I Release You, Open, no more boundations,
And you shall get all my love till my heart permits
But only love is what I shall give, you don’t get to get me.
Cause’if you do want me by your side when we breathe our last, then I should tie you up to myself, tight,
and lose the keys again.
Take me with you
Take me to the End of the skies!
Baby skip the hellos, goodbyes
And let’s start living our dreams
Baby bear with me when I shout in my sleep
Move your hands on my hair, kiss me to sleep
Take me for a walk to the End-of- the world,
Sweetie parade your comfort in your shoes and I’ll flaunt all the pain in my heels
Let’s talk out of senses and loose our grip on the feels
Let’s break all the fences in between
Let’s tell them that we know how to be
Baby take me to the depths of the world!
Let’s swim with the fishes and you pick me those pearls
Let’s bring alive the things we wrote on our list
And I don’t mind if at times we talk with our fists
As long as we TALK-OF-LOVE!
Baby take me to your room and make me your queen
I’ll talk through my eyes, sweetie try to glean what I mean
It’s not hard cause you know what I mean
I mean Love.
Baby let’s hold our hands and spread smiles
Feel lucky for all those little whiles
That we got to live in each other’s dreams
When we got to be as wild as we wanted to be
Baby take me to the Heavens with you!
We’ll go hand-in-hand no matter what comes through
Let’s compliment all our Gods on the pair that they made come true