This is what I sat and wrote about by the River…

I get ready

I choose my finest dress

I step into pencils

And click out of my address

 

To another,

hosting a party in through the big, red gate

I do like red,

But will have to excuse this date.

 

I cross the big gate and walk towards the river

Rubbing the blue robe on the street all through the way

I can’t walk fast so shall I rather try to run?

So that I break them heels to make an excuse to throw them away?

 

I reach halfway, still clicking on the ground

It’s getting dark, I see fewer people around

It’s good because that is what I would like for tonight

Just me, a pen-a paper, watching the flowing river in the moonlight.

 

I finally reach the banks, it must be cold

Cause’ the only folks I see, they shiver

My skin doesn’t move, not an inch

As I stand there straight, looking right into the river

 

I climb downstairs, now I am closer

Just a few steps and my hands will be wet

It’s the Ganges and we worship it first with its water in our hands

Before our feet inside it we set.

 

Now it’s silent, I can’t hear a soul

Only the water, flowing

Touching my soul.

 

I sit,

I want to stay there

Till the color of my robe matches the color of the sky

Till when there are plenty of sparkles

shining out of my eyes.

 

I want to sit by the river

And think of the times

When I was there barefoot

And my clothes didn’t shine

When dad would push me in

Making a big, thunderous sound!

But instead of sailing,

My ship would drown!

 

I want to sit by the river

And think of how

He would catch hold of me

And pull me out somehow

“Ready for another push?”

He wouldn’t ask, I wouldn’t allow.

Next moment, I would be in the water again,

Struggling to swim somehow!

 

I want to lie by the river

And think about you

About the similar peace

That I would get with you…

I want to touch the river

As if it was you

I will swim through it tonight thinking it was you.

I want to hold it and kiss it thinking it was you

But damn!

It would slip out of hands as if it was really you!

 

I want to walk by the river

Thinking of my friends

My priceless possessions,

My everlasting trends

My babies, my parents

My strength, my ears

With whom I have shared all my laughter,

My fears.

 

I will not waste a second thinking about the people who left

They don’t matter anymore, not because they left

But the ones who managed to stay even after they left

Are the people I will sit and smile about by the river…

 

I will think about the relations that lived

Will not whine about the ones whom life dismissed

But those which fell off weak even after I built them for years

Are the ones I will sit and cry about by the river…

 

I will wipe off my tears,

When it’s the break of dawn I see,

Now I will let go of the gold

And let go of the heels

I will hide them

And pretend as if I lost them in the dark!

Now I am barefoot again and suddenly my eyes have a spark!

 

I am waiting,

Maybe dad would come and push me back into the river?

Wondering if now he would ask for permission since we are older?

Hoping this time, I will sail through the river

Explore a direction I had been to never.

Hoping I will find my way back home, like ever

To the people we call as family, or rather call them forever?

 

I will not forget to think about the people I love

Whom I couldn’t have with me, forever?

Whom I dream about every day,

For whom I could get locked up in a cellar

Whom I wish get everything they ever want in their life

Love, success, compassion in their life

Whom I could give up my dreams for,

Let alone my life

These are the people I will sit and Pray for by the river

These are all the people I will sit and write about by the River…

Alone on the top

I climb the stairs one by one

Losing my people as I come

Closer to the top

Don’t know what have I become

Is it alright?

 

At night I look out of my window to see

A peaceful street ever-so-lonely

Much less than my life I bet

Tricked by dreams and debts.

 

The streetlight suddenly shimmers and I look again outside

A few people just passed by, out of my sight

It’s about to rain and before the night starts getting wet

I quickly grab my phone and switch on the internet.

 

I position the camera to capture the sky

But since too tired and sick of posting stuff online

So I just capture it and print it and write this story on it’s behind

That when I leave it and someone gets it,

They have my words on their mind.

On their lips, in their hearts

A little moment I’ll define.

This moment of theirs particularly to me I’ll confine.

I’ll tell them it’s okay to be alone

Well at least for sometime

And that life is huge and people affluent

Surely some good company you’ll find!

Don’t just adjust for anything just cause everything else seems undefined

Define it,

Give it words

Style It

Call the birds

Tell them to tell the world

At the break of dawn

About it.

That’s about it. I guess I am done for tonight.

The magic

So yet another story? 🙂

Changes are constant. That we have all seen and heard and contributed to.

My friend and colleague who used to sit right next to me moved to a different project and had to shift her cubicle two floors below. While leaving for home yesterday I saw her collecting her stuff and her machines were being transferred.

“So from tomorrow new cubicle?”

“Yeaa”, she smiled.

We said our goodbyes and “see you again”s and I left for home.

A few months ago:

Another colleague had gifted us both an idol of Lord Ganesha each. Happy to receive one of the most beautiful gifts ever, I took Him home and kept it along with my other treasured stuff.

But my friend didn’t take Him home and kept it on the right end of her table. Just beside the metal slab that separates my desk from hers.

I remember when I was small my parents wouldn’t take me so often to the movies and being a movie-lover, I would wait for all the good ones to be telecast-ed on the T.V. Once they had put this cute movie called, “Oh my Friend Ganesha” and since Ganesha being my friend, so every day I would come to office, walk to my desk and wish Him a “good morning” first thing before taking my seat.

Few months later it became a habit, a good habit which brought me smile every day.

Today:

While I was entering my office,

“Okay so she would have been gone by now and so her stuff, and now whom am I gonna greet and wish the first thing in the morning”.

I reached near to her cubicle after which was mine. As expected, her desk was empty, the chairs besides were also empty, no one had yet come.

I miss you Ganesh ji”, I quietly say in my mind.

I come a little forward to keep my bag on my chair and guess what!

He was right there.

On my desk.

She kept Him on my table while leaving.

(I would have written she left Him on my table, but I guess no one gets to leave him, all we get is to keep him.)

So yes, I am happy!

She might come tomorrow and take it with her but for today, I say let’s just cherish the magic. 🙂

Picture credit: https://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/the-magic/

This life… and stuff

I ride to home,
I don’t know way
I still pedal,
pedal away

I don’t know nothing
I know enough
That there is a light,
shining my way.

I see the stars
Illuminate,
and I see the Moon,
moving the waves.

I stop and stare,
at the empty road.
I don’t know where
I am supposed
to be at this time
of this year
am I fine?
Are things clear?

I don’t know nothing,
I know enough,
That Sun’s gonna shine,
as the morning comes.

I see the light,
I see the rain,
I see a rainbow,
from my window pane.

I rush outside
couldn’t get enough.
I never got enough
Cause’ it’s never enough.

I see the stars
Illuminate,
and I see the Moon,
moving the waves.

I look again
Cause’ its love.
It has these scars,
and its still love.

And then I know
why these different beings
still fall in love
with these flawed things?

Cause’ it the eye of the beholder that defines Beauty, as you must have heard.
Well that’s true
Well that’s true.

Then I meet these trees
and they hide my love, they hide the Moon!
But I ain’t angry,
Cause’ they let me play!

This game of surprises
that nature offers
You never know when u get to see love again
and say goodbye, only for a while
When there’s morning, u know.

I give up pedals,
I take to legs.
Just have 2,
just enough.

I feel the breeze
talk its talk
I can’t decipher, but I can hear
so who cares?
Well I don’t.

I am content this time, with just hearing.

I live a mess
I thrive for peace
I die for love
and extra cheese!
I go back home,
with the wind on my side
I open the window,
and it revives!

And I thank the Lord,
for all the love,
for a life and stuff
for this life… and stuff.

 

Give Love, get love. Simple! :)

It’s 6 in the evening.

I come home after work, change and sit in the living room to have snacks. For company I tune in some random channel on the T.V.

Guess which movie is being telecasted?

“The Notebook”

 

My over-protective inner self: “Nikita change it. It ain’t good for ya..”

So I try to change the channel but nothing else seems to be coming and the movie had just started so that was the happy part going on, for the moment.

My inviting-vulnerabilities inner self: “What will I lose? Let me just watch it till I finish the snacks. Things are different now, maybe it wouldn’t affect me so much!”

I had first seen this movie before 4 years and with the over sensitive being that I am, I was disturbed for days, especially after knowing that a part of that stuff was real.

(Notebook is a romantic novel based on a True Story written by Nicholas Sparks in 1996, inspired by his wife’s grandparents who had been married for more than 60 sixty years when he met them.) (Source: Google)

In no time 60 minutes pass by and my roommate comes home. I am so glad that she doesn’t sit and talk with me and straight away heads towards the room. I need my space so that I can do whatever I want without being stared at.

But what is it that I want to do at the moment?

 

I cry as Martha Shaw comes in. As everyday, willingly of course, she is invited and yet rejected, loved and yet made to feel small.

When Noah takes Allie on the boat, which he built himself, and later takes her to the house, which again, he built himself.

As they sit in THE Room drinking beer and the way he looks at her.

As Allie sits there naked and paints.

When her mom drives her to this construction site and tells her that she truly loves her father but how once she was madly in love with that guy who is still working at that site and how her life could have been different if she had tried a little harder.

When Allie reads his letters sitting in the car. As they fight only to come back together. All the freakin’ time. Every time.

How they grow old together, how they die TOGETHER. Even being so old when they can hardly stand still without support, how they still kissed with that holy intense love.

I mean that’s too much to handle with closed lips so I open my mouth and cry.
And just then my roommate comes out of the room!

My conscious inner-self: “Embarrassing!! Nikita stop crying now.”

My brain and heart and other organs: “Well it’s too late now for that!”

So I keep crying no matter what and my eyes swell and mean while my roommate tries her best to divert my mind.

She cracks jokes, makes me laugh for a second only to lose me again to the movie in the next.
In a few minutes the movie gets over.
I get up, go to wash my face.

My solicitous inner self: “Nikita she tried so hard to make you laugh when you were tearing up on that movie. That was really sweet of her.”

Recently a bee had stung me on my finger and the whole area had swelled up like a potato! It was really painful and I had thought of sleeping hungry or else ordering from outside that day.

But situation’s changed now, so with that swollen hand I go to cook.

Me: “Had dinner?”

My roommate: “No.. too tired to cook!”

Me: “Okay, you wanna have Uthapam?”

My roommate: “Yea even I was wondering maybe we could order something from outside.”

Me: “Don’t even worry! I’ll prepare it. Would you like to have?”
“ukw, Better have it, it’ll be nice I promise!”

And we sleep with full stomachs.

“Give love, get love”. Simple! 🙂 🙂

 
Picture credit : Google

These Carriages

I am standing out, waiting for a carriage

To take me from here to that place away

I am waiting right at its spot, per diem, around 6

Cause it wouldn’t pick me up mid-way.

 

Now and again I get late and the carriage I miss!

I feel unhappy and distressed.

Occasionally I have friends who offer me a ride

And I am pleased to accept!

 

But until this time never had I,

Sat down and pondered

As to why do I link my happiness to these carriages?

Who are not mine, who don’t have mind?

So how can I blame them if someday they don’t show up?

If they don’t wait for me

If they refuse to carry me

Cause they might have offered my spot to a different person

If they abandon me cause I no more make their carriage look pretty

If they can’t understand the simple fact, that if a person makes an effort to be around you,

You’ve got to reciprocate too.

 

But then again, these carriages

They are not mine and they don’t have mind

So how can I blame them to not understand?

These facts, and demand

Something in return

Cause dude, at the end they are just carriages who carry us and let us link ourselves to them

When they are empty and we are beautiful

Otherwise, these carriages, oops, these people, are a completely different story…

 

 

 

 

 

 

picture credit: http://www.tripadvisor.com

You

I may be very successful in my life and get everything I want… but my life will only be complete if I am successful in giving you everything that you want.